I hate Jamie Oliver

December 21, 2011

It happens every year without fail – pressure, guilt. Last night I wanted to smash Jamie's face in as he smugly demonstrated on Jamie's Christmas how to make taco/pork breakfast things, OMG! who would do stuff like this? I also really don't need him and every other celeb chef to be so patronising about getting organised on Christmas eve so we can all enjoy Christmas day cooking (is that even possible?). Am I the only person struggling to juggle work with everything else; I think not, give us a break! I left after the breakfast tacos part of the programme feeling inadequate and sulkily started filling the washing machine as I have this stupid idea that there should be no mounds of dirty washing over the Christmas holidays; ironing is a totally different thing. We once hid an Apple Macintosh computer under a pile of ironing in our bedroom until Santa could come get it and deliver it back via the sleigh and chimney... I love that about Santa, how he does that magical delivery thing. Christmas just wouldn't be the same without the reindeers pawing on the roof jingling their bells; Bless! Sara swears she heard them one year...

I digress. Mr K, sensing something wrong joined me in the kitchen but then made the fatal mistake of mentioning some wonderful culinary feat Jamie had achieved with the turkey. My answer: " F%&k Jamie! It's Jamie's job to be a chef, get that - he's a chef! Did Jamie work all day in the kitchen chopping and sweating then go shopping when he was so tired he could cry? Did he really fit buying all the food around his day job? Did Jamie decide what to buy everyone? Did he buy all the Christmas presents FOR EVERYONE? Did he buy the wrapping paper and ribbons? Did he wrap all the Christmas presents? Did he design the Christmas cards, get the Christmas cards printed, write the Christmas cards, post the Christmas cards? Did he decorate the tree, did he? Did he wash out the bathroom and change the beds for guests? Did he? DID HE?" Silence. You can sense the mood in the kitchen was not Joy to the World.

Normally, it has to be said in fairness to Jamie, I am a fan, we have all his books, but there's something about the pressures of achieving that perfect Christmas that drives me insane – it's everywhere, it just makes me want to run away...


However... In Kirsty Allsop style I did manage to knit all the girls in Graphics some natty little fingerless gloves for Christmas. Did Jamie do that? Smug smile.

2 comments:

Lynne said...

You go Fiona, you're speaking for jus all !.........

Carol said...

OMG, it's my words coming out of your mouth, how did you do that! I had quite a similar rant just recently, but I think I also screamed about how come it was in the boy's handbook they obviously get at birth that it's the woman's seemingly JOB to do ALL the Christmas preps, thinking, buying, wrapping, writing, planning, plotting, cooking, serving etc etc. We are on the same wavelength my friend.

Love how you've wrapped your gloves. I'm a big fan of Kirstie Allsopp too.

I actually had a stark raving mad moment on the way home from family visits yesterday and mentioned "hey wouldn't it be fun to hand make ALL the Christmas presents next year". Then I realised how much more pressure I'd be adding. Eeeek.

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